How to Deal With Disappointment
(This post contains Scripture. You will find translation information at the end.)
How To Deal With Disappointment is the usual experience of life. Many matters in life disappoint us.
Events disappoint us; we excitedly plan to attend some event only to find it cannot come anywhere near our hopes or expectations.
Things disappoint us; we save up and purchase something, only to find it does not match up with its promised advertisement; what looked so real in the advert seems to be cheap.
The Greatest Disappointments We Will Ever Experience Involve People
Those who let us down, don’t do what they promised; people who don’t appreciate what we do for them; people who tell us one issue then do the very opposite; people who harm our emotions – intentionally or by accident through misunderstandings, broken promise or unkind words.
In life we all have to deal with people, so we need to know how to deal with the disappointments they will bring to our lives.
One secret and technique of success in lifestyles is learning the way to deal with people that disappoint us.
One man in the Bible was an expert in managing humans.
His name was Moses.
Moses knew a way to cope with disappointments. He was the most patient man alive in his day.
No man put up with more complaining than Moses. The favorite occupation in the nation of Israel was to complain about anything and everything Moses did.
It was this complaining that caused God to force them to wander in the desert for 40 years. As the Israelites failed one test God set them, God gave them another.
Hebrews 3: 7-11 [NIV]: So as the Holy Spirit says, ‘Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the desert, where your fathers tested and tried me and for forty years you saw what I did.’ That is why I was angry with that generation, and I said, ‘Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.’ So I declared on oath in my anger, ‘They shall never enter my rest.’
Israel was quick to criticize Moses, their leader, challenge his leadership, doubt his decisions and question his motives. The Israelites had many “water problems” during their exodus from Egypt. The first was too much water to cross at the Red Sea. Then only days later, the Israelites had another “water problem.”
Exodus 14: 9-12 [NIV]: The Egyptians—all Pharaoh’s horses and chariots, horsemen and troops – pursued the Israelites and overtook them as they camped by the sea near Pi Hahiroth, opposite Baal Zephon. As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord. They said to Moses, ‘Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than die in the desert!’
Very little time had passed since the miraculous escape from Egypt because of the devastating plagues brought on by God.
This was the first hiccup in their triumphant march, and who received the blame? Moses! What must Moses have thought? Is this what I get for all I have done for these people?
Exodus 15:22 [NIV]: Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the desert of Shur.
For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water.
This time, it was a lack of water. Another “water problem,” followed this at Marah.
Exodus 15:23 [NIV]: When they came to Marah they could not drink its water because it was bitter.
(Marah means bitter, which is why he calls the place, Marah).
The water they found was undrinkable, so who did they blame?
Exodus 15:24 [NIV]: So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What are we to drink?”
Poor old Moses, once again, his people are grumbling.
Why Then Did GOD Lead the Israelites to Marah?
Exodus15:25-27 [NIV]: Then Moses cried out to the Lord, and the Lord showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water and the water became sweet. There the Lord made a decree and a law for them, and there he tested them. He said, ‘If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord who heals you.’ Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.
From this passage of Scripture and how God, through Moses, reacted, we can learn several facts about dealing with disappointments.
Failure Often Follows The Greatest Successes in Life
This was only three days after their victory over the Egyptians at the Red Sea.
They must have still been ecstatic only to face the difficulty of thirst. They were in the wilderness with no water.
Each new day brings its problems. After every “mountain top,” there is always a valley.
Another example of this happening was, after entry into the Promised Land, by the next generation of Israelites.
They experienced a great victory against the largest and most fortified city in the land, Jericho. Then they experience a defeat at the hands of the tiny town of Ai because of being overconfident after their great success.
It is the “Ai” of life that causes us disappointments.
The significant problems we may look to God to solve, but the small ones we feel self-confident enough to cope without God’s help, and we end up disappointed by our failure.
When we experience a big success in life, watch out, we could be about to experience a failure.
Just like the Israelites, God tests us by allowing us to experience opportunities for how to deal with disappointment to see if we trust Him by seeking His help in all facets of our lives.
Let’s be clear the Scripture does NOT say that the Red Sea crossing was a test.
God revealed His character and power at the Red Sea.
There was a test at Marah to unveil the character and weakness of “Man.”
The people did not have any faith in God at the Red Sea.
God opened up the pathway to show His power and protection of His chosen people.
The people showed their lack of faith in God at Marah only three days after God had revealed how he would use His power to protect and provide all their needs.
God shows His character at the Red Sea, man shows his nature at Marah.
God’s character is active within the significant incidents in our lives; this puts our character on display.
The Greatest Services in Life Often Followed by Forgetfulness
Exodus 15:24 [NIV]: So the people grumbled against Moses saying, What are we to drink?
Israel had such a short memory. They forgot what God had done for them, only a few days before. Within three days the Israelites had doubts about God. And they enjoy complaining about Mosses, the leader God had given them.
Their motto seemed to be “When in doubt, grumble against Moses.”
The poor man: one day he was a hero, the next a zero! One minute the star, the next the scapegoat.
It is Human Nature to Forget Quickly the Kindness Expressed to Us
Children forget what their parents have done to give them a good start in life.
Employers forget the past faithfulness and dedication of employees. Married couples soon take each other for granted.
Do not Curse the Opportunity Understand How to Deal With Disappointment
Romans 12:14 [NIV]: Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Do not get even or retaliate.
Moses could have responded by telling those who grumbled against him to “find their way back to Egypt if that is what they wanted.”
Most of us, when hurt by others who disappoint us, create very inventive ways to get even.
I sometimes feel that in resentment, we reach this peak of our creativity. “I’ll do this, this and this and the person I am angry with won’t know what hit them!”
But the moment we retaliate God stops defending us.
Who will do a better job of resetting the balance: us or God?
Romans 12:19 [NIV]: Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.”
When we let God settle the score, He well represents us well.
Do not Rehearse Disappointments
Job 5:2 [GNB]: To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do!
Ephesians 4:31 [NIV]: Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
When we go over a disappointment in our mind, again and again, it just becomes more prominent, more cynical, and discouraging.
This is a hazardous habit because grumbling can become addictive, and soon, our day is full with grumbling.
Philippians 3:13 [LB]: I am still not all I should be but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us.
We cannot change the disappointments of the past, but we can learn and mature from them.
We can influence the present with a positive, hopeful attitude. We can then put the future in the capable hands of God, expecting His help and intervention.
Do not Nurse Disappointments
Ephesians 4:26-27[LB]: If you are angry, do not sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry. Get over it quickly. For when you are angry, you give a mighty foothold to the devil.
When we hold on to anger generated out of a disappointment, we allow Satan to influence us because anger soon turns to resentment and bitterness.
Job 18:4 [LB]: Just because you tear your clothes in anger, is this going to start an earthquake? Shall we all go and hide?
We are only hurting ourselves when we continue to be angry over a disappointment.
I like the irony of the Living Bible translation of this verse.
Those around us comprehend how we are hurting ourselves while the rest of the world goes on, mostly unaffected.
To hold on to a disappointment causes us to build a protective wall around ourselves to avoid pain.
This destroys any meaningful relationships with God or other people.
If we are trying to please everybody, we are setting ourselves up for disappointments.
God knows He cannot please everyone. Are we likely to do a better job than God?
I don’t even please myself often. I’m often disappointed in myself!
How can I expect to please everyone else or to avoid disappointments?
What do We do With Disappointments?
What did Moses do?
Exodus 15:25 [NIV]: Then Moses cried out to the Lord…
We should strive to be more like Moses. We should cry out to God more often than we do.
We Disperse the Disappointment
We give disappointment to God. We don’t hang on to it.
1 Peter 5:7 [LB]: Let Him [God] have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.
When disappointment comes, it is of little use talking to others about it, for they cannot do much to help. We speak to God about it, who has the power and desire to cause us to deal with disappointments and profit from them.
Romans 8:28 [GNB]: We know that in all things God works for good with those who love Him, those whom He has called according to His purpose.
“We know”-Do we? Whenever we read this statement in God’s word, we need to pause and ask ourselves do we know, do we have complete faith in this statement.
“All things”-This includes the many disappointments we will face in life.
“Who loves Him”-We often talk to those we love and continuously share our lives with them. This includes God.
“Called”-It was God who called us, not our seeking God.
“His purpose”-Constantly we must seek God’s will for our lives, not our selfish whims. This may mean leaving our comfort zone and becoming involved in activities are beyond our natural abilities, where we depend on God-given power and skills.
Let God Reverse the Disappointments
The life of Joseph is a beautiful example of God doing this.
Because of envy, Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery.
The next few years of Joseph’s life were all downhill because of people hurting him intentionally.
Joseph had every reason for disappointment but God in due time-reversed all this evil against Joseph and placed him in a position where he could save his own family and Egypt and the surrounding nations from famine.
Notice how Joseph sums up the events that happened in his life:
Genesis 50:2 [LB]: As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil, for He brought me to this high position I have today so that I could save the lives of many people.
Some people disappoint us and hurt us in life, intentionally or unintentionally.
They want us to fail. The enemy means it for evil, but God turns it into good. If we are Christian, nothing comes into our lives by accident. It is all “Father-filtered.”
God intends even the hurts and disappointments to teach us something, so let God reverse them for good.
When we handle our disappointments in the way, God wants us to, by:-
- not cursing our disappointments
- not rehearsing our disappointments
- not nursing our disappointments
- but allowing God to
- disperse our disappointments
- reverse our disappointments
- then something will happen in our disappointing life experience.
Exodus 15:25 [LB]: Moses pleaded with the Lord to help them and the Lord showed him a tree to throw into the water and the water became sweet.
Notice, God did not specially create a tree to solve the problem of bitter water. It was already there. God had prepared the solution to their disappointing experience in advance.
If Moses had focused on the negative and self-pity, he would never have seen the solution to his disappointment, not seen what could turn bitterness into sweetness.
When we curse, rehearse, or nurse our disappointment, we will continue down a blind path. We will miss the solution God already has for us to reverse the frustration.
Failure often follows the greatest successes in life.
Exodus 15:27 [LB]: And they came to Elim where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there beside the springs.
God gave them to vacation at “palm springs” (just a little joke).
This was paradise in the middle of the dry, forbidding desert and God let them spend over a month there before they moved on.
How Far is Elim From Marah?
Elim is only five miles from Marah!
Israel stopped at Marah complaining, grumbling, being negative when Elim was just around the corner, only part of a day’s journey away.
Too often we STOP too soon!
We stop at Marah, discouraged and disappointed and bitter and we stay there. The message is: Don’t quit because Elim is just ahead of us on our journey in life.
How do We Get From Marah to Elim?
God knew exactly where the Israelites were and where Elim was, but God did not perform a miracle and bring Elim to them.
The Israelites got to Elim by tenacity; they continued their journey and rejected any idea to give up.
Sometimes Struggling With How to Deal With Disappointment-Makes Us Want To Give Up
Our job, a relationship, a dream, unappreciated charity work, praying, Bible study, attending Church?
Maturity is, Living by Our Commitments Not Our Feelings
You may have heard this joke: One morning, Glen woke up and said to his mother, “I don’t want to go to Church today. I don’t feel like it.”
His mother replied, “But you must go to Church.” Glen replied, “No, I don’t want to go to Church.
Why should I?”
“For two reasons,” said his mother, “one, you are forty-five years old and two, you’re the pastor”!
Even if we do not feel like going on because we are in “Marah” which may be a physical “Marah” of pain or a mental “Marah” of stress in our job or relationships, God knows exactly where we are and what we are feeling.
Marah is on His map for our lives but so is Elim and He is telling us to keep on keeping on because Elim is just up ahead.
The Real Issue is How Long Are We Going To Stay In The Bitterness Of Marah’s Disappointment?
When are we going to stop:
- cursing our disappointment
- nursing our disappointment
- rehearsing our regret
Instead of taking it to God and letting Him:
- disperse our frustration
- reverse our disappointment then
- carry on and find our “Elim.”
God Led The Israelites to Marah as a test of Their Maturity
God will lead us through “Marah” many times in our lives for the same reason: to help us mature through disappointments. This is How To Deal With Disappointment.
Has something in your life become bitter- now was at one time so sweet? Perhaps your marriage, friendship, a career, your health?
What are we to do?
Give it to God, and He will show us, as He did to Moses, what can turn that bitterness of disappointment into sweetness once more.
What is God’s Solution to Our Bitterness?
It is a tree!
Just as God used a tree, that He had prepared long before, to turn bitterness into sweetness for the Israelites, so God took a tree on Mount Calvary and hung His beloved Son, Jesus Christ, on it to trade the bitterness and guilt of sin into the sweetness of righteousness (Exodus:15:25).
If you have not known the relationship of someone who will never let you down, never cause you disappointment, I invite you right now to begin that relationship with Jesus Christ.
All you have to do is to invite Him into your life humbly. Ask Him to be your Lord and Savior. He is the one who directs our life from now on. And Jesus is who saves you from the bitterness of sin; through faith in what He did for you on the cross.
Romans 10:11 [GNB]: The Scripture says, ‘Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.’
Why?
Because God has a great plan for each of us, and He uses everything in our lives to further that plan, which starts on a tree on Mount Calvary.
Disappointments then become Jesus Christ’s appointments, and Elim is just down the road.
Versions of Bible Quotations Used:
- NKJV-New King James Version
- NIV–New International Version
- LB-Living Bible
- GNB-Good News Bible
- NLB-New Living Translation
- NASB-New American Standard Bible
