It is unfortunate but true, some depraved therapist has used their office as a tool to commit sexual abuse against the vulnerable. Thankfully, much has changed since those early days.
The individuals who have issues with intimacy or couples who are seeking to achieve greater sexual enjoyment should never suffer an assault by the person with whom they are seeking help. The governing powers provide strict regulations against the counselor having sex with the client.
In this article we will discuss the responsibility of the professional counselor. How we can guard ourselves against sexual temptations as we provide meaningful help for those in need.
Practical Sex Therapy
To be fair, this article must show the results of research. Some experts say surrogate partner therapy should have a place. Whereas there are laws protecting the client against the therapist as a predator, the law does not forbid the therapist to recognize and even recommend surrogate sex partners. This practice is so popular it has an international association for creditability, “International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA)”.
As surprising as it is, there are some professional counselors who believe surrogate partner therapy has its place in sex therapy and can be useful to the right patients.
Sex as therapy became popular in the 1960s and 70s. Thankfully, its popularity has decreased dramatically in recent years.
In an interview, Vena Blanchard, president of the IPSA, explains that IPSA has about 50 certified surrogate sex partners in their membership.
Those who support the use of IPSA services believe the surrogate person to work with the client for building up confidence in communication skills. They also help the client become comfortable with sexual activities.
Even though there are a few professionals who want to encourage the use of sex as an extension to therapy, I don’t see any segmentation between a surrogate partner and prostitution.
Even among the clients and supporters of such service as IPSA one will find it difficult to find a client who has gained a balance due to such behaviors. It is necessary to address the root causes of the sexual challenge. A person cannot rebalance their life with sex. Sex is not a cure for loneliness, sexual pain, lack of intimacy, or any other form of sexual anxiety.
Problems
Among professional counselors we have a warning against “transference.” Transference is when the client develops an unhealthy attachment to the professional counselor. Sometimes the client will believe they are in love with the care provider. This prevents the client from reaching necessary goals. How much more dangerous is transference when they involve sex?
Research shows extreme harm for both sides when the therapist has sexual activity with the client.
The previous article in this series shows the songs of William Masters and Virginia Johnson, who gathered data for a focus report on Human Sexual Response and the 1970 report Human Sexual Inadequacy. Their results prove the devastation that will occur when the therapist has sex with the client.
We also heard the soloist, Psychologist Phyllis Chesler, in her 1972 study, “Women and Madness,” sing the song of depression and suicide among female victims of therapy-sex.
This article stands alongside to promote other singers who have joined the choir, Kenneth S. Pope and Valerie A. Vetter, with results from a national study shows they harmonize with their message. This accompaniment lifts a few high notes, namely among the 90% of clients who report damages for therapy-sex.
• 80% complain of recognizing the harm only after therapy ends
• 11% have suffered to the point of hospitalization
• 14% attempted suicide
• 1% are successful with suicide
• 10% had experienced rape prior to the rape from the therapist
• 3% suffered incest or other child sex abuse
• 5% of these victims was a minor at the time they suffered the rape from the therapist
• Only 17% recovered fully
Sexual Abuse Has Decreased
Experts continue attempts to gain insight into this problem of sex in therapy. Experts have gathered anonymous reports where clinical professionals have performed several self-repots as to the extent of sexual activity each therapist has with the clients (see the book, “Sexual Involvement with Therapists: Patient Assessment, Subsequent Therapy, Forensics.”)
Unfortunately, this study does not differentiate between the church and her counseling partners and the mainstream professional counselors. A table graft comparing between the two groups would prove interesting.
The good news is these national, anonymous self-reports show a decrease of therapists sexually abusing their clients.
However, because the survey they conducted is a self-report among professional counselors, I do not know if we have adequate evidence for a correct conclusion. And at the time of typing this article the reports which support that book are over fifteen years old. I believe the research requires more information before we can have definitive results.
One suggestion is that there should be a comparison between the professional counselors reports and the client reports. We could also gain insight by looking at the legal reports. What percentage of clients are taking legal actions against the therapist in comparison with previous studies? This might prove to be more difficult data to sift through because the laws regulating sex between the professional counselor and the client have changed. As have the stigmas of shame and quilt that associates with the victim have changed. Thus, resulting in more encouragement for the counselee to step forward. Without access to more comprehensive data I am choosing to believe in the possibility that these violations have declined.
The sexual assault may be on the decline. This is encouraging. But it is not sufficient. We must demand more protection against sexual cruelty amongst mental health and spiritual health professions alike.
Regardless of the motivation—fear of legal ramifications or genuine concern for the counselee, the care provider should never have sex with the client.
Boundaries for the Professional Counselor
It might surprise you, to learn that the APA does not provide a code of etiquette for the professional counselor to empower when faced with the sexual temptation. To be clear, I am addressing “sexual temptation” not sexual activity. There is a difference.
In 1973 the American Psychological Association (APA), formally forbids the professional counselor from engaging in sexual activities with the client. It is good news for the mental health professions. This officially proves some guidance and protection for the profession. However, the APA offers general guidelines. We find the demands are more spelled out by the American Counseling Association (ACA).
In 2005 the ACA Code of Ethics continues to recognize the devastating effects that compact against the client when they engage in sexual activities with their professional counselor. It also expands the requirement against sexual and romantic relationships with former clients from two years to five years. Because the ACA Code of Ethics committee understands the destructive effects of sexual abuse against the counselee.
In 2014 the ACA Code of Ethics issued regulations against the therapist from sexual or romantic relationships with the familial relationships of the client. This too is good news because it reinforces the integrity of our profession. But this is still only addressing the actions of the professional counselor. Whereas the ethical guidelines instilled within Scripture address the motives and temptations of the inward person.
As a clear example from Scripture, hear the words of Jesus
Matthew 5:27-28 (New Revised Standard Version)
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.“
I understand it is impossible for any ethics committee to judge the internal desires of a person. Therefore, the value of personal ethics is of the ultimate importance. Every professional counselor must set personal boundaries.
The lack of ethical guidance leads to multiple problems. First, without ethical guidelines the APA cannot stand against misconduct (regarding the temptation). Because they have not (cannot) confirm the expectation for proper motives.
Second, this leads the professional counselor into areas of uncertainty. With sexual temptation pressuring, along with the lack of official ethical standards, it forces the professional counselor to decide based solely upon personal integrity. Most professionals (especially the Professional counselor Christian Counselors) can draw from the guidelines instilled through the training process.
When the caring professional faces sexual temptation pressuring him/her they might find it difficult to draw strength from the training process from so long ago. This could bring ambiguity which would lead to unintended problems for the client, the counselor, and the mental health profession. Because when one professional gives into sexual abuse it makes us all less credible.
I could not discover any established guidelines fencing sexual temptation for the professional counselor.
You might ask what type of borders should I establish around sex temptations?
Within the Christian community we find boundaries outlined within Scripture. These are available for any professional to accept and apply for their own practice.
The non-Christian professional counselor will be less concerned with the information provided within Scripture as it requires reinforcing our minds with focusing attention on higher things (Colossians 3:2). And the Christian counselors will look back to Moses who demands sexual purity (Exodus 20:14).
Nevertheless, all professional counselors will benefit from establishing a border against the sexual temptations.
We can benefit from considering the eroding effects sex would have on the counselee and the counselor’s practice.
Without APA proving ethical standards, they leave the professional counselor to decide how close s/he wants to come to sexual harassment and other sexual abuse issues with the client.
It is best to prove our own moral principles before we find ourselves under the influence of our sexual senses. When we set up clean cut boundaries for ourselves, we can make better choices when we are in the heat of temptation. Our personal moral parameters will act as a secure boundary that must remain uncrossed. With established boundaries, temptation cannot sweep us away. It may push us against the wall. But we will not go farther than our boundaries will allow.
It will take strength and courage, but we must accomplish it.
Physical attraction could present a significant problem. If the professional counselor discovers attractiveness on either side of the relationship, we could make a professional referral. A referral is always preferable to the potential crime.
I do not intend these boundaries for the professional counselor to become rigid or cold. The boundaries provide safety for the profession.
Setting Boundaries
A list of suggestions. Keep in mind this is not an exhaustive list. This is to get you started.
• Never have sex with a client
• Never share your temptation with the client
• Avoid discussing your personal information
• Be cautious about gifts, even small ones
• Sit with an appropriate distance between you and the client
• Be careful with touch (even a handshake can mislead for some clients)
• Dress modestly
• Put a stop to compliments, it is okay to say, “thank you” for a genuine compliment. But anything more than a polite compliment could be an encouragement to the client. Put a stop to this immediately.
• Avoid sexual innuendos
• Reject sexual joking
• Reject sexual advances
• Reject all solicitations for sexual activity
• Guard against all forms of sexual coercion
• Avoid seductive looks
• Shun sexual gestures
• Never allow sexual contact in any form
• No kissing
• Pull away from the inappropriate hug
Professional counselors should never allow sexual abuse within the counseling relationship. Any exploitation for sex violates moral, biblical, and civil laws. Counseling should never involve sexual activity.
Professional Standards
All professional counselors should develop professional standards. Because the roll of counseling is a high calling, the professional counselor must decide on a standard of professional standards to guide proper conduct.
Plan of Action
Create a plan of action to implement at the time of boundary-crossing. Consider having a trusted colleague join the session when you need to address boundary-crossing.
Be careful not to allow issues to build or gain momentum. The inappropriate action must stop. Document the incident objectively and with exact detail. For example, write verbatim instead of generalized accusations.
Also, as mentioned above, make a referral to another professional counselor.
Power (influence) and Perceived Love
It is the professional counselor’s responsibility to protect the sensitive relationship with the client. Therefore, we must guard against the temptation to have romantic or sexual encounters. We must guard against abusing our influence.
Thus, we must understand the dynamics of power and submission between professional counselor and the client. Without which we cannot help the client properly.
Power can be intoxicating. Some professional counselors fall prey to the temptations of exercising that power. When we combine power with love, the temptation is stronger. Even when it is only an illusion of love.
Love is a fascinating subject. Love is the centralized theme transcending across every genre of art. Less than a minute ago, I typed, “love,” into the Amazon search engine. Over 800,000 results for love appeared. Notice this is only Amazon. This one company host an online presence for over 800,000 items for sale. Love is the most sought-after emotion in history. But do we understand for what we are looking? Love is the most confusing topic in the world.
Countless stacks of media and private communications express longings for love. Love is a central desire for everyone.
As an example:
• “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” -Dr. Martin Luther King jr.
• “Let us always greet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” – Mother Teresa
• “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and all the senses.” -Lao Tzu
• “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” -Oscar Wilde
• Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” -Abraham Lincoln
• The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.” -Mahatma Gandhi
With only a few examples we can see strong opinions about both love and power. I understand there is a difference between sex and love. However, when the power dynamic is out-of-balance one can (probably will) misunderstand sex for love.
We must avoid the temptation to exploit the client for sexual (or any personal) reasons. We must never violate the truth of the counselee.
Recognize the unique power held by the professional counselor. When we recognize the complexity of the counseling relationship, we can more easily avoid providing hurt to our clients.
Because the counseling relationship is delicate; we must protect it. If the relationship suffers an imbalance, the results could destroy the lives of both the client and counselor and their families. Therefore, all sexual abuse against the counselee is wrong.
More Than Romantic Love
In the article, “These Are the 7 Types of Love,” we find an explanation for seven types of love. The author draws insight from classical readings.
1. Eros is sexual or passionate love, today we call this romantic love.
2. Philia is a shared goodwill for others. We call it friendship.
3. Storge is a familial love which is the love we have for family members.
4. Agape is universal love; this is the love we use about the love of God.
5. Ludus is playful or uncommitted love. This the casual word we use for activities with people to whom attract us.
6. Pragma is practical love founded on reason. This is the type we feel toward our job, ministries, and other duties.
7. Philautia is self-love, which can be healthy or unhealthy. An example of Philautia as a healthy self-love is when we care for our proper diet, exercise, mental exercises, and other forms of self-preservation or self-improvement. An unhealthy self-love is narcissism.
Blend of Eros and Philautia
For the professional counselor, Eros is the most dangerous type of love. Please understand that every type of love will blend its boundaries with other types. We all experience over one at any moment. It would be easy to see how Eros and Philautia blend.
When we have an unhealthy Philautia, it will pervert everything. Or Eros will grow stronger. It will crave fulfillment at any cost. This is when the counselor finds her/himself between the forces of perceived love and power.
We must strive to maintain a balance between our desires and the health of the client.
Our brokenness will yearn for pleasure for a moment of relief from the pain and loneliness. It will drive us to lust, wanting fulfillment from another person.
We all have a deep desire to feel connected with others. When this becomes unbalanced it manifests (mostly) as sexual misbehavior. The blend of Eros and Philautia does not make good choices. It becomes singularly focused on the object or person within which it wants to receive fulfillment.
Lust will enslave us. It is difficult for the professional counselor to admit, but we all can fall into destructive behaviors. It is a customary practice to justify lust by saying something like, “I can’t help myself.” Or by saying, “it’s okay because everyone deserves happiness.”
We tell ourselves lies like, “I will be happy if …” But we cannot satisfy lust. If we chase our desires, we will hurt those around and leave us deeply dissatisfied. This will give us the opportunity to blame everyone and everything else besides our own lust. Lust will make us into bitter failures.
Therefore, the professional counselor must reject sexual temptations. We must push for the health of the counselee. Counseling should never involve sexual abuse.
Conclusion
This article discusses practical sex therapy problems within therapy. It looks at research which suggests that the crime of sex abuse among counselors has decreased. This chapter shows the importance of the professional counselor to establish boundaries. It is essential for any professional to establish a commitment to a strict ethical guide. Maintaining clear boundaries and adhering to the strict ethical guide will protect the counselor, counselee, and the counseling profession.
References
“Surrogate Partner Therapy.” International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA). <https://www.surrogatetherapy.org/what-is-surrogate-partner-therapy/>
“Masters and Johnson: American Research Team.” (Nov 17, 2016). The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. <https://www.britannica.com/biography/Masters-and-Johnson>
Chesler, Phyllis. (2005). “Women and Madness: Revised and Updated.” St. Martin’s Griffin.
Pope, K. S. and Valerie A. Vetter, “Prior Therapist-Patient Sexual Involvement Among Patients Seen by Psychologists.” Psychotherapy, vol. 28, #3, pp. 429-438.
Pope, K. S. (October, 2001). “Sex Between Therapists and Clients,” Encyclopedia of Women and Gender: Sex Similarities and Differences and the Impact of Society on Gender, vol. 2, ed. Judith Worell, Academic Press, pp. 955-962.
Pope, K. S. (1994). “Sexual involvement with therapists: Patient assessment, subsequent therapy, forensics.” American Psychological Association. <https://doi.org/10.1037/10154-000>
Wiley, John & Sons, (April 15, 2015). “The ACA Encyclopedia of Counseling,” section c, American Counseling Association.
“2014 ACA Code of Ethics: As Approved by the ACA Governing Council.” American Counseling Association, 2014. <www.counseling.org>
. “2005 ACA Code of Ethics: As Approved by the ACA Governing Council.” American Counseling Association, 2005. <www.counseling.org>
New Revised Standard Version.
Burton, Neel. These Are the 7 Types of Love. January 25, 2016. Psychology Today. <www.psychologytoday.com>
